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I signed up to two exchanges that are both due this month and I haven't written a single word for them yet. Mostly because I seem to be in that phase where writing seems like a foreign concept that I am unable to do BUT there are all these really great ideas floating in my head.
Last time this happened I left several stories unfinished on ff.net. I really don't want to do that again. I want to finish the fic I currently have unfinished. I don't want to hide my shame with a different username on a different site. I don't want to loose the tenuous relationships I've managed to cultivate.
But why must it be so hard.
I've read through my prompts; for one person I could write for each of their 3 requests whereas for the other I can only write for the one. I have vague outlines for stories but putting those words and ideas into coherent form is so difficult.
I actually feel like crying (which may be due to me currently being hormonally compromised) and what I'd really like is for someone to hold me and talk me through this but I do not have that and it's beginning to look like I never will. So I just have to buck up and forge ahead.
I told myself that no matter, I would not default out of these exchanges, that would be admitting defeat. And I am so tired of giving up and being disappointed with myself. I have to change sometime, it might as well be now.
Last time this happened I left several stories unfinished on ff.net. I really don't want to do that again. I want to finish the fic I currently have unfinished. I don't want to hide my shame with a different username on a different site. I don't want to loose the tenuous relationships I've managed to cultivate.
But why must it be so hard.
I've read through my prompts; for one person I could write for each of their 3 requests whereas for the other I can only write for the one. I have vague outlines for stories but putting those words and ideas into coherent form is so difficult.
I actually feel like crying (which may be due to me currently being hormonally compromised) and what I'd really like is for someone to hold me and talk me through this but I do not have that and it's beginning to look like I never will. So I just have to buck up and forge ahead.
I told myself that no matter, I would not default out of these exchanges, that would be admitting defeat. And I am so tired of giving up and being disappointed with myself. I have to change sometime, it might as well be now.
